Relationships challenges and Therapy
Relationships require work and are bound to face challenges large and small. Simple, everyday stressors can strain an intimate relationship, and major sources of stress may threaten the stability of the relationship. As long as each partner is willing to address the issue at hand and participate in developing a solution, most relationship problems are manageable, but when challenges are left unaddressed, tension mounts, poor habits develop, and the health and longevity of the relationship are in jeopardy.
In my view one of the most important objectives of the Marriage and Couples therapy is to provide clients with safe environment to discuss their issues as well as positive and healthy ways to manage their conflicts and issues. It is also very important to learn how to build trust, create safety and to connect to each other with true intimacy.
The Impact of Stress and Strain on Relationships
Strain can be placed on a relationship when stressful circumstances affect the couple as a whole, or even just one of the partners. Chronic illness of one person, for example, can impact the well-being of both partners. Many couples struggle with communicating effectively and feeling that they are heard by their partners, as well as differences in parenting, political views, or expectations. Severe stressors include infidelity, terminal illness of one partner, and serious mental health issues. Resentment, contempt, and an increase in the frequency of arguments tend to be signs of underlying problems that have been left unaddressed.
Some common relationship concerns include financial difficulties, barriers to communication, routine conflict, emotional distance, sexual intimacy issues, and lack of trust. Sometimes, marriage itself can be the issue at hand for unmarried couple, when one partner wants to marry, or is subject to social or familial pressure to do so, and the other partner is reluctant or feels unready to marry. Couples who are considering marriage may seek premarital counseling for these and other issues.
Psychological Issues Associated with Relationship Problems
Chronic relationship conflict or stress can contribute to mental health conditions, like depression or anxiety, for one or both partners. Relationship problems can also affect one’s self-esteem and physical health or lead to feelings of guilt, shame, or anger. Sometimes addictive behaviors, like substance abuse, are employed by one or both partners in order to avoid confronting the source of the relationship conflict. Relationship problems can also adversely affect family members, such as children, who may repeatedly witness relationship conflict between their parents
My approach to couples therapy is based on Gottman Method Couples Therapy.
Gottman Method
The Gottman Method is a highly structured and goal-oriented form of couples therapy that is designed to help couples maintain healthy, lasting relationships.
Gottman Method Couples Therapy
The Gottman Method was developed by Dr. John Gottman and his wife Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman in the 1980s. It is an evidence-based form of couples therapy that strives to assist couples in achieving a deeper sense of understanding, awareness, empathy, and connectedness within their relationships that ultimately leads to heightened intimacy and interpersonal growth. By combining therapeutic interventions with couples exercises, this type of therapy helps couples identify and address the natural defenses that hinder effective communication and bonding.
Couples who enter into the Gottman Method Couples Therapy begin with an assessment process that then informs the therapeutic framework and intervention. An initial session might look like this:
- Assessment: Individual interviews with each partner are conducted, followed by a joint assessment of the couple.
- Therapeutic Framework: The couple and therapist decide on the frequency and duration of the sessions.
- Therapeutic Interventions: An analysis of couple conflict is one example of a therapeutic intervention. The couple enact a recent conflict and through observation, the therapist identifies the strengths and problems and implements interventions that aim to improve the couple's communication. The therapist assists the couple in effectively repairing the conflict.
Goals and Principles of the Gottman Method
The principle goals of the Gottman Method Couples Therapy are to disarm conflicting verbal communication, increase intimacy, respect, and affection, remove barriers that create a feeling of stagnancy in conflicting situations, and create a heightened sense of empathy and understanding within the context of the relationship.
Drs. John and Julie Gottman developed nine components of healthy relationships, also known within the practice as the Sound Relationship House. These include:
- Building love maps
- Sharing fondness and admiration
- Turning towards (as opposed to turning away from each other)
- The positive perspective (seeing your partner as a friend, not an adversary)
- Trust
- Commitment
Who Can Benefit from the Gottman Method?
In his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, co-authored with Nan Silver, John Gottman wrote, “Although you may feel your situation is unique, we have found that all marital conflicts fall into two categories: Either they can be resolved, or they are perpetual, which means they will be part of your lives forever, in some form or another.” Unfortunately, Gottman says, 69% of marital conflicts are perpetual problems, and these are of particular focus in much of the work performed by Gottman Method therapists.
The Gottman Method is designed to support couples across all economic, racial, sexual orientation, and cultural sectors. Some of the relationship issues that may be addressed in therapy include:
- Frequent conflict and arguments
- Poor communication
- Emotionally distanced couples on the verge of separation
- Specific problems such as sexual difficulties, infidelity, money, and parenting
The Gottman Institute claims that even strong couples with “normal” levels of conflict may benefit from the Gottman Method Couples Therapy. Gottman therapists aim to help couples build stronger relationships overall and healthier ways to cope with issues as they arise in the future.
References:
GoodTherapy.org
http://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/relationships
The Gottman Institute
https://www.gottman.com/blog/an-introduction-to-the-gottman-method-of-relationship-therapy/